sorry i've been gone for like a week. i've been.... away. okay, fine, i confess. i've been on a loooong binge (WOOO). basically, one night it all got too much, and i decided to recover. i'd just purged 3 times, over a 300 calorie meal, and taken 12 laxatives, and cut. I freaked out and decided to recover, so i started eating. well, when i start eating, i binge. and i was alright with it, because i just told myself i was recovering. i do this all the fucking time. i'm like "you can have that 2000 calorie meal, because your in recovery!" (exaggeration, but you know what i mean!) anyway, i've gained a lootttt of weight, so i'm back to restricting. i had about 2,500 calories today, but i've just taken 11 laxies, so they should start working soon, fingers crossed!
also, another issue. god, i sound so sick saying this, but oh well. basically, three girls in my year have now been hospitalised for anorexia (one in year 8, one in year 9, and one this year, year 10). do i feel sorry for them? yeah, a little. am i jealous? fuck yes. i don't know why i'm jealous, i mean, i know how hard it is to have an ED. but they're getting help. people see how sick they are, and they help the. nobody would even believe i was sick. plus, they have so much more self control than me.
i wish i was stronger.
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