PCOS + Bulimia?

So I went to the doctor's a few days ago about my irregular periods and she decided to do two things.

a) she put me on the pill. microgynon to be specific. hopefully this is going to sort out my periods since at the moment i'm getting them every few months and then they'll last weeks and ANYWAY haha tmi. but i don't think i'm reacting well to this pill. basically since I've been taking it i've fallen back into my complete depression; i can't concentrate, i'm doing no work, i'm sleeping so much... i just don't know what to do. i have exams in a week and i'm so scared that i can't get myself out of this depression.

b) she's sending me for blood tests tomorrow to see if i have PCOS (PolyCystic Ovary Syndrome). I was pretty upset about it when I got home because I realised that I might struggle to have children in the future, and if there's one thing that I've always wanted, it's babies and a family. but i'm even more upset now because i've been doing some googling, and apparently pcos can be caused by bulimia or just general yo-yoing in your diet - binging and then restricting.

i can't believe that i might have caused my own infertility. i might have prevented myself from having children. i might have crushed my only dream, because of this disorder.

i've never been so heartbroken.

Skinny Girl Diet:)

Helloooooo! :)

so, some of you may have noticed, if you look above (^^^^) that i'm planning a "back to school 2011" diet, which you may join in on if you so wish! but i've decided that that plan is too vague, and i need a structured diet to follow! so here is my new diet!

So yeah, as you can see I changed some of the days because they have to fit around my dance classes and stuff. Because on a Monday and Saturday, I do 3 hours dance, so I can't have 100 calories, or I'd collapse!

Also, if I'm going to be going out for a meal with my parents or something, I can switch a day. Say like, I'm going for a meal on a Monday, I can swap my Monday cals with my Saturday cals, as long as through the week, I get the same amount of calories. you get me?

Finally, the unlimited fruits and vegetables. These always cause discussions because people say fruit has lots of sugar and can have quite a lot of calories in. This is true, so I'm putting a cap on the amount of fruit I have. I'm limiting myself to a small apple, and one other serving of fruit per day. If I'm not losing enough weight, I'll limit if further. Vegetables will still be unlimited though.

Has anybody else done the Skinny Girl Diet (the normal one)? If you have, let me know how you got on, and how much weight you lost!

I purged twice yesterday. My first purges of 2011.... yay(!) First time I binged, second time I just purged my dinner because I was in a bad mood. But I also took 7 laxatives, and lost 2lbs, since yesterday! :D I'm hoping for a similar weight loss by tomorrow (but I've not decided whether to take laxies again or not... so if I don't take them, I won't lose as much). I'm thinking of not taking anymore laxatives until the weekend because I don't want my body to rely on them, and also I still haven't worked out how long they take to work. I keep getting my timing wrong an they start working at 3 in the morning :| and I have school tomorrow so a) I need sleep and b) I'm not going to the toilet in school!

Anyway, I'm off to my parent review day, where basically your parents come in and talk to all your teachers. Considering I'm getting D's in most things at the moment, I'm not excited about this. Plus, my chemistry teacher thinks there's someting up with me, and can see my grades are dropping, so if she says anything, I swear I'll punch her :|

Hope your day is great, my lovelys! Also, if you have any questions for me, just ask! :D

xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I wish I never had to grow up...

Weight: 159.2lbs

Listening to: Tied together with a smile - Taylor Swift

hey,

today in the queue at costco, there was a woman holding her newborn son (who I later found out was only two weeks old and was called Billy! bless him...). this little boy spent the full fifteen minutes with his eyes shut tight, oblivious to everyone around him smiling at him, talking about him. i wish i had that kind of innocence nowadays. i wish i didn't have to grow up, and i could still be a tiny little baby with no cares in the world. it was just so easy. close your eyes and you didn't have to see bad things. now, even if i close my eyes to all the bad things i see, i feel worse things inside.

anyway, enough soppy rubbish!

today's intake:

activia yoghurt: 123cals

costco chicken and bacon wrap (ew): 700 fucking calories.

oh. my. god.

i only just checked out the calories on that chicken wrap and that is bloody disgsuting. like.... EW.

i was planning on purging it, but the bathroom is right opposite my sisters room and she'd hear everything. i tried running the shower and the bath but it would still be heard :/

now i feel like i'm going to throw up, even though i ate that wrap like four hours ago. 700 calories?! what is IN that shit?!

i think i'm going to go and finish watching THIN now. I got up to about part 8 yesterday, where Polly got kicked out. i was really angry about that; how can they just give up on her like that? yeah, okay, she was damaging other patients recovery but couldn't they of sent her somewhere else or something, instead of just kicking her out. they basically just gave up on her, because she was "too much trouble" and a "bad seed". Rest in peace Polly <3

Quote of the day: "you will bring beauty from the pain"